The Change

Chapter 3

I have been in my "permanent" cast for four days now. It went on a lot easier than the mold did, This time I knew what to expect. It was the same procedure but with less traction, only thirty pounds. Still it is very tight and I can’t bend from my chin to my hips. I’ve learned not to try to turn my head, it won’t turn and hurts to try. The only shoes I can wear are the penny loafers. I can’t tie shoes or even think of navigating in heels. I can drive my car, but getting in and out of it is a real trip. It took several try’s before I could do it without David’s help.

When the cast finally set Sharon and David had to teach me to walk. Walking is difficult and stairs can be deadly in this thing because I can’t see my feet. I can’t even see the steps unless I am ten feet away from them. I may never ride an escalator again. The first time I sat down I thought I was going to strangle in this thing until Sharon got me to relax and not fight it. The only time it is at all comfortable is when I am standing. Sitting and laying down are difficult. I didn’t sleep until last night. I don’t think I really went to sleep, I just passed out.

My thoughts are dominated by new things. I don’t worry so much about my appearance and my voice. I think more about things like everything I am missing because I can’t turn my head, what I can and can’t do, chafing around my arms and my thighs, itching everywhere, and hot spots where things rub and pinch inside the cast. I am wearing my bra under the cast so Sharon could mold my breasts properly. After six weeks in this brassier I may not want the sex change surgery at all. Well, maybe I should just get a new bra, something without wires.

The first time I ate a meal in the cast I dribbled soup on myself. Not a big thing, but the soup that got down in the cast is going to be there for the next six weeks and I can’t do anything about it. I hope that it doesn’t get really nasty inside the cast. Thinking of nasty, this thing is going to be like wearing the same tee shirt for six weeks and never taking it off. I’m going to hate that part of it too.

Somehow, even while in the cast I still like sunsets, I enjoy my television shows, walking in the park, I still love - you know shopping, and I feel pretty good. Of course the thing that I am shopping for now is anything that will hide the cast. Anything that covers the damn thing looks good on me now. I just haven’t found anything that looks good enough that I want to buy it. But over all I think I am adjusting pretty well. I am going back to work Monday and I am getting around a lot better than I did on my first day. It’s not all that hard to live with but I am conscious of being in it all the time, if I could just forget I’m in a body cast for a little while I would be a lot better off.

Bozo has started to bark and run around crazily. That must mean that Sharon is here. She is including me in her "girls night out" tonight. We are going to Vladimere’s, the new bar across from the mall.

I wait for the door bell before opening the door, then open it. "Hi Sharon, oh my god, your wearing your brace"

"How do you like it ?"

"Looks good on you, this is a surprise. I mean the brace. Actually, everything looks good on you"

"Well thank you honey, it doesn’t bother me at all to wear it and I thought you would feel a little less self conscious if I did"

"Sharon, as always your right. I would have never thought of asking you to wear it but I’m glad you did. - Oh, come in won’t you? - Is anybody else coming with us?

"I’m going to pick up Rhonda Mayer, you may have met her, she works in the finance office. she hasn’t been at work for two days, but when I called her she said she is OK to come with us." Sharon looks me over and says. "Good dress, sexy with the long skirt and side slit"

Trying to sound intelligent and worldly I reply. "Thank you, but I’m in a cast from my butt up to my ears, legs are all I’ve got, I need the side slit"

"Not really Cynthia, the hair is good too. But you know what? With that

long black dress - you do need heels"

I reply "Oh I don’t think I’m ready for that yet -- but it would look good."

"Come on don’t be a wus, try a pair." She said while still looking me over carefully.

Changing the subject (as usual) I have to ask. "When do we need to get going?’ Right now with all the changes in my life I am a little short of friends so I don’t want to be any trouble for anyone.

"Oh Rhonda is always slow getting ready, we can take some time"

"I always did like my wood sandals with this dress but I can’t possibly bend over to do the ankle straps. I may not even be able to walk in them now, I mean with the cast"

Sharon volunteers. "Go get them and we can try. If you don’t try things you will never be able to do any more while you are in the cast. Six weeks can be a long time for you. I think it’s better to try wearing heels when you are not alone too. If you do fall or something I can help you and I can do the ankle straps for you. You know the very first time I wore high heels I was in the brace. This brace is just as rigid as your cast."

I find my shoes in my closet. I don’t know about wearing them but the problem now is picking them up. They’re on the floor, I can’t even bend over to pick them up. The only thing I can think of is to bend up a hanger to pick up my shoes.

"OK Sharon, if you can put them on me, I can wear them."

It feels good to have Sharon put the shoes on for me. "Too loose, go one hole tighter on the ankle strap. - That feels good"

"Well, stand up honey. Looks great. Now lets see if you can walk without falling on your face"

I stand up, take a few steps, it’s not bad at all. "I can do this. We are gonna knock em dead tonight."

Sharon adds "Or scare them to death"

Thinking too much again, I ask. "Sharon. What does Jack think of this? I mean the night out, I don’t want to get you into anything."

"He’s OK with it, but I have a curfew, I need to be home by two a.m."

I interrupt "I’m going to run out of steam at about ten thirty"

Sharon continues "But good ol boy Billy Mayer, Rhonda’s hubby will probably show up at the bar. He pulled that one last time we did this. If Jack did that I’d have a cow, I go out like this only once or twice a year and I have never even looked at another man since we have been married."

I am still walking and turning to see if I can get along in heels and the cast when Sharon calls out in a very uncharacteristically soft voice.

"Cynthia"

"Yes"

"You really OK with the shoes?" Sharon asks sounding very concerned.

"I think so. You know - look good, feel good. Real women wear high heels"

"Ha, Oh wow," Sharon laughed "That’s good coming from you"

"Well I’m trying"

"Oh I am sorry" Sharon apologized. "That wasn’t very nice"

"That’s OK I’ve had an awful lot worse than that." I said. "From people that were malicious about it."

"Then we can go now. We can take my car. I know it’s still hard for you to drive."

Getting in Sharon’s car is a real trip. It must be lower than mine. I have to move the seat all the way back, then I face away from the car and bend down and sit in the seat with my feet on the ground, not very lady like for sure. Then leaning forward just right I can turn into the car and not seriously injure my head on the door frame as I lift my feet up into the car. Once I am in the car I need the seat tilted back so far that I am looking at mostly headliner. I am not tall, only five, five, short for a man but OK for a girl. If I was taller I probably couldn’t get in this car at all.

"Where does Rhonda live?" I ask.

"Only a few blocks from here, she may have a friend with her too"

"Who"

"Chantel Bains. All I know is her name, I never met her"

We drove only a few minutes and stopped in front of a small nineteen sixties ranch style house. Only one light is visible from the road.

"Can you get out of the car or would you rather wait?" Sharon asked.

"Oh Il’l get out. This is really uncomfortable, standing up will be a blessing."

We walk to the door with Sharon helping me up the steps - she must really be used to the brace. I hope I can adjust that well to mine when I get it. Sharon rings the bell. One of the ugliest doorbell sounds I ever heard, sounds more like a fart than a bell. Very quickly the door opens and an attractive, thirty something black girl appears at the door.

"Are we in the right place?’ Sharon asks.

"You looking for Rhonda?"

"Yes we are"

"Then your in the right place, I’m Chantel". Chantel let us in and then volunteered. "Rhonda is picking up a baby sitter, She will be back soon"

Sharon said "I thought bill was taking care of the kids"

"That bum" Chantel said "Rhonda told him we are going out tonight two weeks ago. He decided he was going out about an hour ago and just left. Guess who has to find a sitter or stay home"

"They’re not getting along again?" asked Sharon.

"You seen the movie where the wife gets beat up and then kills the husband while he is sleeping?"

"I saw it" said Sharon

"Stick around here for a while and your gonna see it again. Only this time it’s going to be for real," informed Chantel.

"Oh boy. Well I’m Sharon Gleason and this is Cynthia Martin"

"Chantel Bains, please come in. Should be about another ten minutes"

We walked into the moderate and rather messy house.

"Have a seat" said Chantel

"No thanks, just had one, I’d prefer to stand" I said.

Sharon sat down as Chantel asked looking toward me. "Stand up, In those shoes?"

"No. In this cast"

Sharon asked Chantel. "How do you know Rhonda"

"I’m her accountant"

"Rhonda has an accountant?" Sharon asked. "She works in the financial office. Just one of the girls"

"She needs an accountant. The job gets her away from the jerk that she married"

The door opens and Rhonda walks in. "Hello ladies, and you must be Cynthia"

"None other" I replied. I can’t help but notice that Rhonda is wearing wrist splints.

"Carpal tunnel" Sharon asked. I guess Sharon noticed too.

"Yep, I’m afraid so. I just got them yesterday. I have to wear them full time at least until I start therapy. They are helping with the pain. Besides I know Guys flock around you when you wear that damn brace. Maybe these things will get one or two to look at me. I’m so pissed at Billy that if I get the chance I may go home with one of them."

"You should have come to me. I can always use the business"

"Sorry bout that. The doctor had them in a box and put them on me when he told me I had to have them. The examination was having needles stuck in my arms and then giving me electric shocks. I don’t want to argue with a man that’s torturing me, may just make it worse."

"Probably so, I’m sorry your having Billy problems again"

"I’m not. I mean not sorry. This is the end this time. He went nutso Monday night and clobbered the baby. It’s not enough to just come after me anymore. He was practically a saint when the cops showed up so they didn’t take him in. We haven’t talked to each other since. I have an appointment with a lawyer next Tuesday. So what’s new with you? I see your wearing that brace again."

"Oh this is so Cindy won’t feel so self conscious. She just got the cast."

"Why don’t you admit Sharon. You enjoy wearing the brace, you put the thing on any time you can make up an excuse to wear it." Rhonda continued. "It’s OK, your in the business, you have the worlds best husband, your pretty, everybody likes you, we can take one loose screw with the package."

We all laugh, but I wonder if maybe their is some truth to it.

Rhonda shouts. "Gloria, if you need anything at all I am at Vladimer’s bar, I put the phone number on the fridge. Don’t try my pager I dropped it and it doesn’t work any more. If the kids wake up you can read to them. Bye - bye honey."

Rhonda turns to Sharon and whispers. "Dropped it hell, it broke when Billy knocked me on my can Monday night." In a little louder voice "We are not waiting for me now so we must be ready to go. Chantel, we can sit in the back. And Chanie, Cynthia got her body cast just last week watching her get in this car should be fun."

Chantel said "Then we will have the decency not to watch unless we are helping her won’t we".

"Thank you" I said. "It sure isn’t any fun for me".

"That’s OK sweetie" Rhonda said. "It wasn’t any fun for me either when I had my spinal fusion surgery and wore one of those damn torture devices for eight months"

"What happened?" I asked.

"Billy pushed me down the porch steps. I thought it was an accident then. God was I stupid. I went through hell for that one, he did it because we were late for a party and It was my fault. Yep, I thought it was my fault that he pushed me too. I actually felt guilty. It has been eight years and my back still hurts from it every day. God!! was I stupid. Stupid, stupid Rhonda. You can call me that if you like because it’s true. Stupid, stupid Rhonda."

"See I got in OK. But it was a little rough the first time. I guess as long as I am wearing this cast everybody gets to see my panty girdle when I get in a car. Oh and Rhonda, can you please forgive me if I forget the stupid, stupid part."

We all laughed and Sharon got us on our way.